Are You Interested or Committed?

I’ve been a huge proponent of taking a walk. As an athlete or perhaps more precisely, as a former athlete (Thanks again Brandon for reminding me I’m a “middle aged white man"), the idea of going for a walk at first seemed like a silly idea.

I had to do sprints, go for a longer run, break a sweat, hurt a little and get my heart pumping. Walking was way too leisurely; I had never thought about how impactful a walk could be for my mind and spirit. That all changed in 2020 when walking became as essential to my overall growth as working out.

My most recent walk with Jonathan and Brandon didn’t go as I thought it would. I rarely have a set agenda for a walk: no predetermined questions, scripted talking points, etc. I appreciate and have come to crave the unique, organic conversations, the honest and sincere sharing and the incredible learning that happens each time.

Don’t let not having an agenda fool you. It certainly does not mean there isn’t a purpose for the walk. My latest experience was no different. I certainly anticipated there would be some likely topics for our walk, especially as I was going to spend time with people I have had multiple conversations with over the past few months.

During the past couple of weeks, Brandon and I have been discussing several topics, including how to grow his goalkeeper glove brand, Prime Focus .(I’m excited about his new venture; expect to hear more about Prime Focus in 2021). Jonathan and I ran into each other a week earlier and we talked about how to use the game of soccer to provide some cool opportunities for high school players and build community at the same time (another topic I’m passionate about). Despite not having a set agenda, these seemed like likely topics. As it turns out I could not have been more wrong. I’m also deeply thankful as I learned far more about my friends --and about myself -- than I ever anticipated.

As our walk kicked off, Jonathan and Brandon were discussing Brandon’s most recent blog post (check it out here if you haven’t already read it). The conversation led to some incredibly deep discussions, the sharing of personal stories and sparked several new insights that continue to challenge me. I’m hopeful I can express those adequately in this space after I've spent more time reflecting on what I've learned. IJonathan and Brandon helped open my eyes to a lot of different topics as it relates to social and racial injustice, the feelings of being a Black man in Charlotte, and in America, and much more.

While I've encouraged them to write about their experiences, I also must acknowledge that we, as white men, need to do this work. The evidence is all around us. The experiences, the narratives and the historical records are not new. Black men don't owe us anything, and it's not their job to educate a bunch of clueless white males and former jocks - myself included. Jonathan and Brandon are being incredibly generous and gracious in giving so much of their time and themselves. I hope that some of you will take a walk with us soon to dive deeper into this discussion. If you'd like to, message me at Casey@bravecreativeleaders.com.

Own Your Opinion

One of the points that continues to challenge me is a famous quote that Jonathan brought up on our walk. One of Jonathan’s super powers is asking direct and tough questions. As he often says, “I want to make sure you own what you say.” It’s something I look forward to on every walk. On this walk he brought up the phrase “are you interested or committed,” and how someone had asked him that at a training and it stuck with him, and subsequently has stuck with me ever since.

Ken Blanchard made this idea famous when he said:

“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses – only results.”

This concept is incredibly important. It’s one that applies to sport, to business, to life, to our daily interactions and our ability to impact others and much more. After hearing the quote, our discussions wrapped around social injustice and the difference between doing something when it is convenient versus being truly committed to change. My initial reaction was to look inward and to think about my own commitment. It is important to have people in your life who can ask you this type of tough question, to force you to look internally and to evaluate yourself honestly. It is a process and a habit I’m committed to making.

As our walk continued, I found myself questioning how often I was more likely interested in helping others, fighting social injustice and truly understanding what it was like to be in someone else’s shoes versus being committed. As Jonathan and Brandon discussed what feelings and thoughts can go through their minds as they sit in a restaurant, or walk into a room like: “Are these people staring at me? Are there any other Black people in the room, etc.?” It hit me on multiple levels.

Clearly, I will likely never understand what that is like on a daily basis. Sure, there are times where roles are reversed, but it is far more common for me to fall back into a space where everyone looks like me. Most of the time, that feeling of otherness and the stress of wondering whether people are judging me based on my skin color simply doesn’t exist. More importantly though, I had to ask myself: Am I committed to understanding and working to change the racism and racist experiences that make such continual vigilance necessary? And, as I reflected on their experiences, I wondered about all the missed opportunities where I could have signaled inclusion, acceptance or simply, lack of hostility. Did I smile and say hello politely, but not engage? Did my lack of eye contact or lack of interest make it uncomfortable for someone? Did I remain silent when I should have spoken out?

While our discussion centered on race, this idea, this concept fits so many different scenarios. What about people with disabilities, people with depression, anxiety or mental illness, people who feel they are too tall, too short, too thin, too overweight, too much or not enough of something? Am I, my family, and those I spend the most time with really committed to being inclusive, helping others and fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves, or are we just interested? It is a difficult question to ask and one that if we are honest with ourselves, is one that we should ask more regularly.

My Next Walk

On Christmas Day I went for a walk with my Dad. I’m lucky to have incredible parents. They are role models and I’m thankful for every opportunity to spend time with them. My Dad is a principal at an incredible school in Greensboro for children with severe and profound disabilities. I’ve been discussing my walks for awhile now with both my parents and my Dad was on a long streak of getting 10,000 steps in a day and was committed to keeping it alive, so we couldn’t resist a chance to go for a walk.

On the walk I brought up the quote Jonathan had hit me with recently about being interested or committed. At first I was thinking about it relatively broadly and said that “what I’ve found is that I don’t really care which one people are. I just want to know so that I can react accordingly.” In my life I’ve done a lot of coaching and built winning teams in sport, business, banking etc. Understanding where people are in this interested vs. committed question can allow you to coach each one differently. I’ve always taken the approach that everyone has their own unique operating system and that my job as a leader or coach is just to figure out how to get that to work within my systems. As we discussed how this concept impacts building teams, my Dad hit me with something that changed my perspective yet again. This is why I love these walks and am thankful to have a father like mine.

A Unique Perspective

My dad has worked with children for decades. He’s worked with children who live in poverty, children who are wealthy and children with disabilities, He's worked with kids who are Black, white, brown and everything in between. My Dad is easily one of the most compassionate and caring people you will ever meet. Whether he realizes it or not, he has an incredible ability to build teams with great character, and a deep belief in their mission or Why, as Simon Sinek would put it. He has a very clear sense of who he is, understands his purpose and doesn’t waiver from it. People want to know what my Dad thinks, and they listen to him. In reality, I’m more ruthless in discarding people, but my Dad and my wife always help me see the other side of things, find a positive outlook, or keep me grounded when I need it. As an educator, leader of many different teams and someone who has always sacrificed to help others, his perspective means a lot to me. He also has an incredible ability to stay calm, optimistic and relatable.

What I hadn’t thought about was that being committed is not just about the sexy stuff. There is more to it than working hard and finishing tasks when you say you will. My Dad pointed out in an analogy about kids and especially those who are used to being let down that this is often why, if you say you care about them, or are here to help, the first thing they will do is act out. That acting out is a way to test your commitment. It hit me like a ton of bricks. How often do I fail this test? How often do I think I am committed only to show I am really just interested when it’s convenient. How does this impact my relationships with our families, our teams, the people we work with, our friends?

Kids are a great analogy, but they aren’t the only ones who will test us. A boss will test your commitment to a goal. Will you really put in the work to build a plan and a system that helps you achieve results? An employee will test if you really care. How often do companies say they care about your development while denying opportunities for advancement? This happened daily in my previous banking life. Customers will test you. You say your company puts service first, but do you?

The reality is that we will get this wrong. We will waiver between commitment and interest all the time. Unless we build a system and process to help keep us on the right path, surround ourselves with people that keep us grounded, and take time to reflect on our journey, we are more likely to fall into the interested when it's convenient category. We all need people in our lives to help us stay accountable to our truest selves, our purpose, our "why." We must be humble, be willing to take feedback, look at ourselves in the mirror and be honest. It's not easy and yes, taking walks with great people helps.

As 2021 approaches, I’ve committed myself to continue connecting with new people, organizations and communities through these walks. I hope you will join me in taking advantage of the time that the pandemic has given us to truly ask yourself tough questions and to explore the habits and systems you have built. I hope you take the time to establish new habits, systems and processes to make the changes you want to see, to truly become committed to whatever it is you desire.

If you would like to join me for a walk, reach out by emailing me at Casey@bravecreativeleaders.com or just subscribe to this blog, follow along and learn with me from afar. If you go for a walk, please share your experience. I'd love to know what you learn, or what made you think.

Thanks for reading.

C